cout >> “Dear World,”;

Random Observation/Comment #200: As a tribute to this 200^th post, I will do a little happy dance. *Does the happy dance*.  You didn’t see it, but it was actually performed.  With the amount of time and effort I put into this blog, I think I could have written a book by now.  Actually, a lot of the material is relevant to something like a Truth North self-help finding-ones-self type of book.  I guess I thought about this whole book thing because I thought of a random goal to achieve in the next 10 years.  I want to be on the Colbert Report.  The only minor detail to this ambition is my need to write something relevant to current events and politics, publish it, and have it as a best seller.  I guess before I can be a part of the Colbert Report, I need to be famous, and I’m wondering if that’s what I want.  In my own little competition with myself, I probably just want to do something that sounds cool.  “I was on the Colbert Report.” “That’s pretty badass.”

World: why are you filled with such bitter and sweet?  There are days where you’re a living Hell and others that just make me believe there’s no Heaven because it can’t get any better. Of course, I would be naïve to think that the majority of good I see could replace, or compare with, the suffering around the world, but everything has its moments.  I stay optimistic about you because you provide for me this medium of happiness.  I see you as a container of mixed nuts – you’ll always have the cashews, but sometimes the almonds will sneak in with their dry texture and evil ways.

Unfortunately, it is our nature to see evil much more than good.  Our criticisms just point out the mistakes because it makes good news.  We see a molding piece of bread in a batch and tend to throw them all away in fear of contamination.  And the weird thing is that it’s true.  I’m not about to speak religion in any way, but morality and this notion of evil does spread in weird ways.  It’s difficult to argue against the fundamental laws of humanity; the ones we find obvious, not by nurture, but by logic and understanding of our environment.

We want others to feel the same pain we feel when we’ve felt pain – I’ve seen this often with jealousy and violence.  But will the cycle ever end?  Does this mean we are allowed to make excuses for our own actions based on some general abandonment of hope?  I’m brought back to a Michael Jackson song (of course, I must make a reference): Man in the Mirror.  If you haven’t heard it, you should.  “If you want to make a world a better a place; take a look at yourself and make a change.”

World – it’s not your fault that humanity is flawed.  We’ve done some shit that we’re ashamed of, but there are moments of joy that make everything worth it.  It’s how we muster the strength to defend what is important – we have that desire to make those good times come again.  So World, can’t we all just get along?  This could be a plea from one that is aware of eventual destruction in this insignificant creature’s life in the marvels of the universe, but just give us a little bit longer?  I just need more time.  Four months was not enough.

~See Lemons Sincerely Clementine

A Hungarian Tribute

I'll miss all of you!

Random Observation/Comment #199:  The past 4 months have passed by unbelievably quickly.  It felt like just yesterday we were all drinking our first beers in public, dancing on tables, and finding valid excuses to party every day of the week.  I’ve had an absolutely wonderful time getting to know everyone, especially the “Hungarian group” (to which I will dedicate this entry to).  I hope we will all stay in touch through tweets, status updates, and random pokes through facebook, email, or any other social network.  If anybody (Hungarians and everyone else I’ve met abroad included) visits New York, you will have a personal tour guide and possibly a place to stay.  Either way, I hope we will always be international friends.  It’s incredibly sad to see this Hamburg University Chapter come to an end, but as with all good memories, it will have a fantastic finish tonight.  Let’s make the last party rock the house (dormitory/apartment/whatever).  May our paths cross again in the future…

In most of my journal entries, I think about the beginning and then flip through my mental photo album of these moments to find the right words.  Each quirky personality comes to mind through the crooked smirks, embarrassed smiles, and uncontrollable laughter memories we shared together.  I can’t quite pin-point how I exactly became a fellow-Hungarian, but our relationship grew from just being with each other in our happiest times.  Whether it was a relaxing walk through Berlin, a well-cooked dorm goulash dinner, or another alcohol-filled night at the bar downstairs, the time we spent together will always remind me of freedom and friendship.

Interestingly enough, I was accepted into the group with open arms.  It might have been the massage-hands or my tendency to take pictures of everything (which they find adorable), but I really felt missed when I couldn’t make it to a party – like I was a genuine part of their group from the start.  It was only a small amount of attention, but it pulled me into this temporary family and I’m happy that I was a part of it.  Each of you has made an impact on me and you deserve your individual tributes.

Greg has somehow become my pupil after these past few months of living in the same flat and partying (pretty much all the time).  I can sense that he has respect for my opinion and enjoys my company, so he invites me to his excursions and discusses random topics when he passes my room for his occasional smoke.  Although Greg is sometimes overstressed about certain aspects of his schoolwork, he knows how to have a good time and let loose at a party.  Drunk Greg tends to use very flashy hand gestures (which we all love to notice and mimic), and will always push for more shots of Jagermeister (good man).  It may seem like I did most of the teaching with the occasional English reviews, but you have taught me more than you realize.  I’m glad we became friends and I hope I can meet you in Hungary or Austria in 2 years.

Frank exudes the qualities of a professional like no other.  He’s well-dressed, current events savvy, and charismatic about all topics of conversation.  Even if he’s never been to a place, he is automatically crowned the guide, leader, and decision-maker.  I haven’t found this exact quality to his stride or the way he holds his conversations, but there’s a certain characteristic that makes his arguments very convincing.  Either way, I think I have learned one of his secrets: Frank loves the camera and wants to be immortalized in the most interesting poses.  It works out well – every photographer needs that fun-pose model.

For the sexy poses, I’ll, of course, yield the lens to the lovely ladies.  This is one of my outrageous hypotheses, but I think the girls competed for my attention to get more massage-time.  They each had their own strategies for getting my attention (or at least I saw it this way in my mind), but I found it interesting because they appealed to such different parts of my brain (I can’t choose a favorite so I think I fell for all of you in different ways =D).  I’ll be more specific: (It is a given that you’re all very pretty, so I’ll leave it out of the descriptions).

Ria appealed to the obvious and straightforward physical contact.  It is custom for European hugs and kisses, but it was more of an enjoyment than a formality.  In many ways, I felt like she was the awkward hand on the thigh stepping around the line of appropriateness.  We shared the sitcom inside-jokes with How I Met Your Mother and Friends references, which is always an interesting topic of conversation.   I’d be lying if I said I didn’t consider it, but there was something with the grouping circumstances that made me more comfortable in a friend zone (going into detail about these personal dating rules would be too far off-topic).

Reka is adorable and really attracted that cute-sy, naming-stuffed-animals side of me.  She shyly smiles, and often shows a silent jealousy I’ve often noticed from my Chinese ex-girlfriend.  It used to work so much better, but I guess I grew up from that phase.  Because of this sheep obsession, her personality stuck in my mind and it made me buy her a sheep toy and draw a sheep-portrait for her.  The cute gestures continued, but my normal observation-driven drunken nights never lead me to common topics and inside jokes.  I feel like younger-timid-Clemens would have been captivated, but more-mature-Clemens wavered and explored a different world.

Juli is the youngest, yet fit in seamlessly.  I was unexpectedly impressed by her wit and our playful conversations.  I don’t think it had to do with age or innocence, but rather a very quick connection to normal wordplay.  I rarely say this, but she has a beautiful personality.  It’s not even that we know each other extremely well; I just find this combination of words to be very fitting.  The odd thing is that I don’t think anyone would disagree because I just said what everyone was trying to say, but just couldn’t find the words for. You’re welcome.

Vikky claims my educational and independence-driven part of my heart.  She really reminds me of Monica from Friends.  She’s responsible, organized, and very tidy with every aspect of her life – to summarize: she will be a wonderful mother.  The trips will be planned down to every detail and optimal efficiency would be achieved (efficiency = super sexy).  I think our personalities have much more in common than we gave time to explore, but (as expected) the positive and negative qualities of social intellectuals arise – we have much to say, yet we rather observe.  However, one who pries will find a topic that just makes us talk non-stop.  Her enthusiasm just so happened to be in volleyball, which – to put into my hobby gauge – matches my enthusiasm for ping pong (which borderlines obsession).

Orsi has the most extroverted personality with quite a contagious laugh and smile.  She floats around in her own world and sprinkles her happy mood on the group.  Not only is she quite the dancer, but I think I would consider her the most energetic.  Her playful nature is something anyone would love, and I feel like a livelier person in her presence.  She’s proof that happiness can be spread by example, and I’m glad I met someone with this quality.  Even though I haven’t called you Sushi since the first time I met you, the word will always remind me of you and your enthusiasm.

Although I did not wind up a fluent Hungarian speaker (I’m surprised too), I’ve learned a great deal about the culture and customs.  At the end of the day, we were all study abroad students living a study abroad student life, but there was a definite connection.  Actually, I was probably drawn to the unbelievably hot group of beautiful girls.  It’s true – you make all of my friends jealous and I’m glad we have so many pictures together.

Cheers! Egészségedre! Kampai! Kippis! Salud! Salute! Skal! Na zdrowie! Budem zdorovy! Let’s get our freak on.  All the best and safe travels.

Your Sneaker,

Clemens

~See Lemons Miss Greg, Frank, Ria, Reka, Juli, Vikky, and Orsi (Sushi)

they're so cute...

A series of parties

old school first group picture

Random Observation/Comment #198: This dorm life I live is continuously surprising and ever-so lively.  Somewhere, a party lurks every night and sometimes they exist for the strangest reasons.  “It’s Thirsty Thursday – we have to drink.”  “Let’s party because it’s Wednesday and that’s hump day.”  “It’s Monday so I need a small low key party to slowly wean me off the alcohol withdrawal from the night before.”  “I felt like cooking for everyone in the dorm.”  “The bar’s open tonight.” “I’m bored…”  I’ve attended parties every day of the week and somehow it doesn’t get boring with such great company and excess alcohol.  I hope I’m always young and blessed with a healthy liver.

I’ve always believed in the phrase, “Everything in moderation (even moderation).”  I’m actually not exactly sure what it means in a broader sense, but I think it’s relevant.  Partying is a form of stress relief and a way to unwind.  In Japan, they take it to the extreme because people are so completely absorbed into their roles and the masks they wear in front of family and work that they never get to just let loose.  It’s actually a little depressing seeing adults in full suits passed out on the street next to a puddle of theirs (or someone else’s) old dinner and stomach acid (I’ve seen it often in Osaka).  Although this could be relieving, in one way or another, I would suspect that the hangover creates a bigger problem than just going home for a good night’s rest.  But, alas, people must be pleased and sometimes that self-sacrificing Asian characteristic just gets the better of their reality.

Europeans, on the other hand, just drink every night.  This does not mean that they’re alcoholics, it just means they really like the taste of beer with their meals.  If it’s a nice day outside, it’s a perfectly valid excuse to grab a beer from the automat at noon.  They basically drink it to quench their thirst and maintain its role as a social lubricant.  It’s not some idolized, freedom substance abuse to get this drunken feeling – no, it’s just something to do when watching a football match or in between chews.

The difference in the perspective of alcohol is also apparent by age.  I find the Japanese culture towards drinking as the cure to all their problems for that one forgettable night.  It’s like a frat party filled with people that want an excuse to make stupid choices.  The European culture still involves drinking, but the higher tolerance level just leads to louder chants and livelier conversations.

Unfortunately, the American culture doesn’t see this as a symbol of freedom or a daily routine, but instead, it is treated as a chance to rebel.  The 21 drinking age just makes teenagers feel like it is “cool” to get drunk.  This little nugget blooms dangerously, and if the law isn’t changed, I will proactively teach my child about alcohol in my own way.  You don’t just make it some forbidden fruit – don’t you know that just makes people want it more?  Don’t girls love chasing guys they can’t get?  (That comment may have been uncalled for).  The point is: Teenagers are going to get their alcohol somehow, so you might as well legalize it to remove the adrenaline rush of doing something illegal.

What is my proactive solution?  Class never goes out of style.  Nobody likes a drunken frat dude except for other drunken frat dudes.  If beer tastes crappy, then why drink it?  If getting completely plastered makes the next day unbearable, then why do it?  The answer is: because you are studying abroad and you can, so you should.  But, remember: in moderation (even moderation).  PS – Drink Guinness because it’s not just a beer; it’s a meal. ::Thumbs Up::

~See Lemons Partay for the right reasons

The Beginnings to my Lucid Dreaming

Color distortion in my dream world

Random Observation/Comment #197: I’m fairly strange and I invest my time into very weird hobbies, so it shouldn’t be too outrageous to hear that I have had a dream diary for 8 years.  I actually started in high school just as a personal side project to see if I could control my dreams.  I had some fairly wild thoughts while in my little world, and I’d always wake up thinking “holy crap that dream was awesome” and then completely forget all the details before I could tell anyone.  All that lingered was the feeling of an awesome dream, while everything else just faded to the background.  It was very frustrating not being able to remember something, so I did what I was taught to do in high school – I took notes.  I bullet-pointed everything and then filled in the details of how the main ideas connected later.  It was actually quite interesting trying to pin-point the memories and images that could have possibly contributed to the dream.  The scattered thoughts just jump from one idea to another and the normal stream of consciousness makes the outrageous connections.

There was a lull in high school where I had become quite sick for a week straight.  It was probably the only days I ever missed of class since I had ever started school (perfect attendance award – w00t).  During this rollercoaster of high fevers and unbearable chills, I hallucinated and had these terrible nightmares.  I’d always get scared staring at the corners of my bedroom because they would seem to suck me into this place filled with creepy clowns and an abundance of fire.  It was during this week of bed-ridden Counter-Strike-less nightmares that I learned to escape.

These nightmares were incredibly vivid and wet-your-bed horrifying (not that I did it).  Fortunately, I found a pattern that made me realize I was actually in this dream world.  To prepare for this, I heightened my everyday observation skills and compared them to what I saw and felt in my dreams.  It took some time, but I had discovered that my dream world operates, in effect, as a dominos of senses where each domino represents a different sense.  As the plot unraveled, I could only focus on one sense at a time and it would alternate between all of these senses maybe at one second intervals.  It’s as if I was blind one second and then deaf another.  These emotions all become enhanced and act as a trigger to make me realize that my brain was no longer filtering and categorizing the senses separately, but rather creating them to mimic my older observations.  In many cases, I felt this odd sense of déjà vu and then everything just clicked.

Everyone has a different trigger, but most people use the method, where they realize they are in a dream environment, as their main indication that they can take control and do whatever they want to manipulate the dream.  The fast switch between senses works for me, but I’ve also noticed distortions in very fine details in people’s faces.  It looks normal in a glance, but when you try and concentrate on certain features, they just disappear.  It seems like the brain just injects the notion of a character you know into your plot, and then (since you know this person) the details are filled-in with separate memories.  This is one of those vague hypotheses I’ve made that sound terribly convincing, but I have no evidence to support it.  It just makes sense to me that my brain would be structured like a computer program.  There must be a dream constructor somewhere that instantiates the characters, but relies on other abstract classes to describe their actions.

Anyway, before realizing these sense enhancements, I tried staring at my body parts a lot.  Whenever I was dreaming, I always felt like my eyes were 5 inches above normal height.  My hands looked oddly smaller and my fingers were always much longer than usual.  As a spectator in the dream, you could just say “wow, that’s weird,” but if you want to take control of these dreams, you can’t be lazy about it.

Whenever I find myself realizing I’m dreaming, I always try to take off my glasses and my shirt.  I think I do this because I barely notice myself wearing glasses, yet I should be able to tell the difference with them off.  Once the glasses come off, I usually have partial control.  Sometimes it involves changing the plot, and other times I am stuck in the plot, but I am able to make decisions.  Lucid dreaming in nightmares, which is where it all started, began as a quick way to wake up.  Interestingly enough, trying to open my eyelids actually opened my eyelids.  I really needed to concentrate on the muscles that I use to blink every day (which is incredibly challenging), but if I try hard enough, I usually wake up.

After this whole sick-week passed, I continued to try and lucid dream.  I read a lot of articles and found that it’s quite rare to have full control of the dream.  There are actually experts in this field – It must be one interesting job to sleep all day.  I read a study that mentioned how afternoon naps have a higher likelihood of leading to lucidity.  I’ve done my own testing, and it seems like the best dreams are the ones that happen after the first alarm goes off.  I sometimes set my alarm for 6AM because after turning it off, I think I’m more aware that I was just awake and lucidity follows much more easily.

On average, I fly once a week.  What I love much more, though, is the Spiderman web swing, which only happens about once a month.  So, if I can realize I’m dreaming and control the dream, why not just teleport and live your life in your sleep?  I actually find it very difficult to transport to completely new places in dreams because thinking too hard usually causes me to wake up.  In most cases, I try to cherish the moment of realizing I’m dreaming and maintain my position as a spectator as long as possible.  It’s a balance between taking risks and looking for more.  It’s nice to be ambitious, but it seems the harder I try, the more likely I am to wake from the dream.  Maybe I should stop trying and just live it.

~See Lemons Dream Freely

Why Study Abroad?

So close, yet so far.

Random Observation/Comment #196: This blog has been around for a little over a year and I am glad I have kept it consistently updated about random things for this long. It’s has been my greatest success in side projects and has led to so many more different ideas that keep myself enjoying what life has to offer.  It took some time, but I stepped back from a brainwashed cookie-cut path that everybody “should” take.  It doesn’t mean that I could have read some book or even my own thoughts about this and skipped the whole phase – rather I feel that living this brainwashed life and then suddenly traveling abroad and seeing it unravel, is part of this enlightenment experience.  Without those torturous all-nighters and unforgiving professors, I would not have developed the work ethic and curiosity/thirst for knowledge.  There are so many topics that I like reflecting on, but the past year has been looking for that career.  It’s a difficult choice and all of my research has been recorded to help me make that decision.  Studying abroad and testing each dimension of preferences really provided the perfect “experimental setting.”

I was asked to write something about studying abroad and I realized that everything in my past year of writing has been in some way connected to finding myself in another country.  I guess I could relate it specifically to my project involving artificial intelligence research and applications, but I think my intentions for this traveling experience is clear: I am finally on a vacation – away from the stress of deadlines for 8 professors, each with a tight lock on my schedule and subsequent social life (or lack thereof).  I can easily list the advantages of utilizing the resources for the robotics applications in Osaka University and Hamburg University, but I think this is quite obvious.  Most people are given a choice of countries they would prefer to study abroad in.  Everyone has that one that they’ve always wanted to go to.  Mine was always Japan because of the technology advancements and Otaku lifestyle.  Because of this intrinsic interest in this country, I made my dream come true and worked with some of the most brilliant students and professors I have ever read about (let alone, meet).  Their accomplishments made me salivate and it turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life.  After studying abroad in Japan, I was not finished with exploring the possibilities abroad.  I found the contrast in work ethic and hierarchical political structures between Japanese and American methods to be so significant that I was curious how other countries compared.

From my social psychology class, I learned about a few of the major differences between cultures, and I found Germany to be one of the most interesting.  Their attention to detail and punctuality made me wonder how a research position would compare.  My conclusions will be more concrete after I finish my time here, but it has definitely been different.  There is a level of freedom, respect, and trust between the teams and it’s a wonderful mixture that allows for achieved deliverables and actual results.  Excuses are ignored and what matters is the product.  The separation between work and social life is very clearly defined and I feel an overall reduced pressure in this environment.  In Japan, I was afraid that my work would disappoint them so I spent weeks trying to achieve some perfection.  Here, I seem to have a good time completing the project, while eventually reaching the same amount forward.

So, that’s what I found to be quite obvious about research and actual work (yes, obvious).  What’s not so obvious is the method of fully utilizing the study abroad experience to broaden your views of the world.  For third year college students, a summer abroad studying experience is never about the material you create in this new environment.  There is no way that a single summer course or 10 weeks of research can change the world.  What’s important to realize is that, although the world has not changed, this experience can change the world you see.  Whether it’s the comparison of lifestyle or different types of people, each person has a different aspect of life that becomes clarified by their abroad experience.  I can’t say which one yours will be, but I’m sure that an open-mind and the willingness to openly socialize with everyone will provide enough fuel to find your answer.

I have never met someone who has been to a study abroad program that said, “Oh, that study abroad program was horrible.  I had a terrible time.”  And even if there was an opinion similar to this, at least they know that being away from home and meeting new people is outside of their comfort zone.  It’s about using this time to learn more about yourself and how you present yourself.  It’s also about making new friends and growing connections.  There’s always someone unusually interesting in a group, and their shy nature requires that ice to be broken before they reveal those opinions that could change your life.  By immersing yourself away from home in a new language and new customs, you increase the chances of meeting someone with a different attitude and perspective towards life.  I think this is the value of learning about other cultures through these first-hand experiences.  (Plus, there are no alcohol restrictions).

~See Lemons Study Abroad