Archive for the ‘blogging’ Tag

Writing for You or Writing for Me?

Confusion

Confusion

Random Observation/Comment #203: I seem to make more interesting observations and comments in my twitter feed.  They are definitely more succinct and directly relate to my everyday life.  I’m tempted to remove this section, but I really like how I’m keeping track of the posts with the comment numbers.

Ever since I’ve started writing, I’ve been trying to cling on to some type of purpose behind my entries for sanity and time efficiency reasons.  After a little more than a year, I’ve found that I have no idea what I’m actually writing about.  I’ve veered off topic so many times that it just jumbles between traveling and careers and just randomness.  And, even though there are multiple cases where I’ve tried desperately to find some coordination and path, I simply just forgot about the nice structure one arbitrary day and reverted to writing what comes to mind about my current situations.

It was on such a day (the ones where you feel like your memory has been wiped) that I bombarded myself with a slew of questions: Do I really want to write about the little details of my crazy adventures, or do I want to share my opinion and impressions about each place I’ve visited to help others make a choice?  Would people rather read about my version of a Wikipedia article on each city I’ve visited, or should I just write some ridiculous story?  Is the advice I draw from my experiences the value or are the experiences themselves more entertaining?  Should I make my conclusions or should I leave it open to interpretation?  Am I slowly becoming more humanities and losing track of my engineering straight-forwardness?

I found that these questions flooded my mind for one particular underlying reason.  I subconsciously felt that my writing was no longer for myself, but rather to please an audience of eyes.  Even though I may never see their faces or see un-typed responses, I have created my own stage.  It’s the stage in where you look out and you’re blinded by the spotlight.  It’s basically the spewing of some type of information to silhouettes.  I’d be happy thinking this way if I felt this was the purpose I wanted to portray, but I’m torn about the idea of “selling out.”  It’s not like I’m making money off of writing any of this – I’m really just trying to find myself and share these experiences with those who are interested.  But, the idea of shaping my personal reward and gratification on the basis of an invisible crowd just makes me feel slightly mad.

So my dilemma is that I’m stuck in this middle state between committing to an audience-based blog or a personal one.   I honestly fear both to their extremities.  I’ve definitely enjoyed writing in this free-flowingly manner to some fictional reader (or just another voice in my head).  However, my deepest reflections are still maintained in something separate and I’m reluctant to pull these confused moments into my posted writings.  I could write about topics that can easily gain trends and try to increase my viewers, but would I begin to lose my personality?  To put it a different way, am I more happy writing about my life so I could relive it or so I could share it and have others (possibly) benefit?  One I have some level of certainty and the other is in the shadow – somehow I just don’t know which is which.

Let’s try again: How do I explain this blog? Why do I continue if I’m starting to feel an invisible obligation that begins to interfere with my real world?  Each document has become my canvas to paint the confusions and battle the multitude of plausible views to – with any luck – come to a respectable decision or conclusion about my own character.  The interesting part is that I depend on it to work out the problems that are created by this same solution.  It makes me wonder if these problems would stop arising if I just didn’t write about them.  Hell – why not just stop thinking all-together?

~See Lemons Write for We?

PS – As I read back, it seems the painting on this canvas most closely resembles modern art.

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A Change of Style?

 

 

I wonder if Part 2 teaches ways to decompose in a casket.

I wonder if Part 2 teaches ways to decompose in a casket.

Random Observation/Comment #178: A lot of people ask me, “Where do you find time for these personal projects?”  I guess, I type fast?  I don’t know why my career isn’t as interesting as my hobbies, but I wish I can one day have the two intermingle.  Until then, they seem to be fighting for my attention like two cute girls (Hah!).  I organize myself well and allot a specific amount of time for those tasks I deem “important.”  I think the last time I evaluated my list of “shyt I like doing,” I don’t seem to have enough time to sleep, let alone leave my laptop.  I wonder if my world is slowly becoming more selflessly selfish or if I’m just blindly wasting my time (I don’t like the choices either).  I began to think about the quality of my life and the quality of my life I express through status updates, tweets, and blog entries – Am I really having fun?  Obviously, “Yes” or else I wouldn’t be doing this – Or would I?  Right now, it’s very confusing, but maybe I’ll come to some conclusion after sitting down and letting myself rant.

 

This Chinese idea of “face” is basically the image shown to a particular community.  It is my identity and a lot of things that define my life – thus facebook?  It might have a deeper meaning than what we’ve passed as a simple name, or perhaps, this idea just evolved to this out-of-control entity.  Although I haven’t accumulated a debt, a large sum of money in a bank account, or really anything materialistically important, I feel like this virtual identity has become my prized possession.  It’s almost precious enough for me to pay for it (Yeah, no way).  When I considered religion, I considered it for the community purposes rather than the silly mythical ones – Is this the community I am forming?  Am I becoming my own godly figure by gathering followers on Twitter? 

Instead of limiting my facebook with all these private settings, I do the initial boundary to accepted friends and then basically express myself with status updates, posted notes, pictures, links, and a slew of other things.  Am I doing this for my own interest or am I driven by this hunger and obsession towards keeping someone informed?  Would I fall off the face of this Earth if I stopped telling someone I’m alive?  I hope not, but it does make me wake in a cold sweat… Oh, right – Kinkos.  I’m covered. Props for those who got that.

The reason blogging is even remotely accepted is its somewhat (or possible) helpful nature to those who read it. In most cases, a person subscribes to individuals that have similar interests to hopefully read articles and stories that make this complex Inter-webs a little bit more manageable.  This idea started with search engines, but very quickly grew into the world of StumbleUpon, digg, facebook linking, delicious, and dozens of other viral networks that share user input. 

There is something intrinsically attractive about being a useful reporter in this world.  I think it closely links to this pathetic hope that someone will read your content and become inspired by your opinions.  I cannot single myself out from this crowd too much (although, I have mentioned numerous times that this is more for my parents and my own memories than reaching out to any particular group) because I do give a slight grin whenever I see higher counts in Facebook Like’s, wordpress blog visitor statistics, and even xanga stalker stats.  This may be the underlying reason I tweet and update my status so often – it’s a loose connection with an audience that probably doesn’t even have to exist. 

I think it’s a taste of fame that each one of us had dreamed to experience, and the truth is: I’m addicted.  I don’t even know if anyone cares what I say, but just having a way to say it where it might be heard is enough.  In fact, if responses became rampant, I might be more careful with my words and lose this odd writing style I’ve developed.  I’m more-or-less comfortable with spewing whatever comes to mind – Chocolate-covered scorpions.  See? Flying monkeys throwing flaming feces.  How many mini-gummy bears does it take to kill a Haribo normal0sized gummy bear?  I can do this all day.

Now that I evaluate my writings, I’ve found that I’ve entered this blogging world with the wrong intentions.  I’m actually doing this for my own enjoyment and not trying to find a niche or audience.  There are no ads and I don’t even write about topics that people would particularly like to read.  My entries are long-winded and my separations of paragraphs are non-existent.  I’ve tried reading what I write over again – it’s absolutely torturous.  So then, why do I publish it?  I’m definitely expressing my opinions, but I break all of the rules in blogging 101. 

1) I don’t stay on topic.

2) I don’t attach any links so this could be found by some crawling search engine.

3) I don’t keep things simple or easily understandable.

4) I just follow my stream of consciousness about random things without a definite topic.

5) I am writing about events that happened to me last month.

So, should I change my format?  Should I try to obtain more readers with these new techniques of spreading my opinion, like mini-blogging in Twitter?  Is my identity going to be spread through these viral networks through small comments and “diggs” or “likes” in my own news reporter way?  Should I promote my blog by visiting random people’s sites and commenting everywhere?  This paragraph is only filled with questions, but I have no definitive answers – Story of my life.

I haven’t decided to change the format, but this entry is definitely not a good start – another rant for the books.  It’s nice that twitter is incorporated with wordpress, so I’ll use this by keeping that as my recent updates and then continue sitting down and typing down (if that makes sense) thoughts every other day.  Either way, this whole writing thing is a part of me now and I feel empty without doing it.  I think it’s healthy and keeps me sane. 

Sometimes I wish I could gather a large crowd of followers, and just make money writing about silly observations.  Wouldn’t that be nice (and completely useless towards advancing this world)?  For now, let’s stick to engineering.

~See Lemons Mweh

Side note: Mommy will be in Germany and I’m visiting Munich so no update until May 6th.

Angus can blog?

 

 

me and angus

me and angus

Random Observation/Comment #100 (yay, happy dance): Writing is my release.  It is an addiction I indulge in at least an hour a day.  My entries do not take a lot of extra thought.  When I close my eyes, these words, phrases, sentences, paragraphs, and endless pages just appear on the screen.  These lines take me higher.  I’ve been writing consistently for 7 years now, but I’ve never considered this a career.  Conveying ideas is obviously necessary in every area of work and study, but writing to the people, for the people, seems like I’ve betrayed my original purpose.  I started writing to maintain a time capsule of events that changed my life.  Before I left to Japan, I reread all of these entries and opened a flood of memories and emotions.  I laughed, cried, smiled, and generally showed this stoic face of reflection.  It took a week to read through all of my entries of 6 years.  My childish high school angst and ambitious college rants became a part of me again.  If I had the super powers that absorbed other people’s super powers (which I could technically have, but never be able to test), the feeling of rereading those entries would be analogous to taking someone’s powers.

 

My brother started a blog most probably to be more like me (not probable at all).  He writes about what’s important to his life: cars, family, friends, career, food, art, and cars (done on purpose).  What he has to say does not really contribute to the community as a civil service of any sort, but rather offers a peer into his very respectable outlook on life.  Everything checks out when you listen to his story.  I love cars; therefore I will design roads so millions of cars can be happy.  I don’t think Angus is completely obsessed.  It would be an obsession if he calls his cars his girlfriends, mistresses, and wives, but why would anyone ever do a crazy thing like that? 

Angus calls his cars his girlfriends, mistresses, and wives.  He loves driving them until every gallon of fuel is depleted.  I know you’re asking the question every person asks when I tell them this, “how does he juggle so many of them without extreme jealousy and spontaneous combustions in the name of love?”  The trick is to keep them in separate garages.  It’s also a good idea to not mix up their names at the peak of your first gear rev.  He currently has a weekend car and a normal drive to and from work.  I think he will collect enough to change their names to Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday… Now if those were real women, I’d be a happy driver.

~See Lemons > Beef