Finding a Parent’s Perspective

Random Observation/Comment #215: I’ve written all of these entries with full awareness that my parents and my brother are the biggest fans of my writings.  Entries, like this one, are obvious ploys to show them that I’ve matured.  Well, I guess no matter how much I seek independence; I will always want them to be within my close group of personal advisors.

I have been very fortunate to have been brought up in a stable and happy family with only positive intentions towards my success.  I was sheltered at a young age, my friends were frequently screened, and my independence was maintained by a hovering, yet genuinely concerned, presence to insure that my foundation was soundly built.  Raised as a traditional Chinese boy, I always found it necessary to earn my parents’ trust.  Typical American ideas involving short cuts and reaping rewards by sneaking around the rules was unheard of in my upbringing.  For example, I was told that I needed to finish my homework before I could watch TV.  My thinking was straightforward and simple: I finished my homework quickly and then I got to watch TV.  On the other hand, I know plenty of friends who would just lie about finishing homework and then just watch TV anyway.  I don’t think it was the case that I wasn’t clever enough to use the concept of lying, but instead, I valued the trust with my parents and continually strived for their affection and approval.

Their praises were few and far between, but when I saw proud parents, I, too, became that much happier.  It made sense because our goals were one and the same.  I was motivated by the constant push and they motivated me because I (and my brother) was their largest projects.  It’s that unconditional love for something that I have not yet to understand.  If you’ve dedicated your life to a complicated project for the past 23 years, and you know you will be there for it moving forward as long as you live, I don’t understand how you could imagine doing anything to harm them.  It is under this logic that I will always value my parents’ judgment (as long as they maintain their sanity).  They may be out of touch with the newest trends and next generation technology, but I’m sure they know a lot more about struggling, suffering, and happiness than I can ever imagine.   Although they may not know too much about the path I’m walking, their experience is worth the listen and their stories can help make the path ahead more predictable.

So when I sometimes fabricate exciting stories to cover some of the malicious happenings in my life, I wonder how highly my parents think my levels of deceit have progressed to sift through fact and fiction.  Do they automatically consider my believable activities magnified or would they realize that sometimes there are just boring days?  With full awareness of this back and forth game, I actually expect my parents to find the clues of inconsistency I carefully scatter.  It keeps all of us on our toes treating every night as a mystery.  I guess they would be happy to know that I’m alive and well, but I’ve always sensed that parents have always (and will always be) nosy about their child’s life.

For example, if I owned a puppy (let’s call him William Jefferson), I would probably always want to know where he was and what he was doing to make sure that he would be healthy and happy.  The truth is, as children, we’re not a cute fluffy poof-ball like Willy, and we do have the ability to learn our own ways of doing things.  We all search for independence, and we all want some sort of control over our own lives to make sense of it.

There are plenty of parenting books out there teaching parents how to raise a child the “right way,” but I think it should start much earlier.  Although children shouldn’t be burdened with the responsibility expected from an adult, it is necessary for them to peer into the future.  I think once they do, they’ll realize how sweet a life of dependence could be.  If it wasn’t for the increase of hormones during our teenage years and odd urge to fit in, I think we all could have been really happy doing things that make us happy.  If we realized how insignificant high school was for a social stature and how everyone basically starts over in college, we would have just lived.  How long has it been since you’ve read a book for leisure? How long has it been since you’ve sat down with your whole family at dinner? There are so many little pleasures that we miss as we grow older…

I will write a separate entry listing the things I wish I knew when I was younger, but there is one fact that changed my perspective on my parents: Parents are people too.  Parents were our age doing the same things we were doing – they’re just a little older and burdened with more important things like maintaining the necessities of living.  More importantly, parents also have parents and they don’t know the next phase.  Honestly, I think they’re terrified thinking about how things could have been different.  It only makes sense that as we grow older, there’s more time for us to make some mistakes.  Did we raise good children? Are we being as good to our parents as we like to be treated when we’re their age?

Either way, it’s never too late to pick up the phone.  If we all just tried to make someone happy then we’d all be happier.   Thank you for the wonderful childhood. I think you need to write down some guidelines for parenting.

~See Lemons Think Older

A Zombie Horde of Four

Random Observation/Comment #214: This year’s Zombiecon was epic (in every sense of the word).  It was the best Zombiecon I’ve ever attended – not because there was a lot of alcohol, zombies, zombie hunters, and scared bystanders – but because my closest friends joined in on the fun.  Surprisingly, we were only a part of the zombiecon bar crawl for about 15 minutes at one of their stops.  The rest of the time, we roamed the streets in heavy rain as a zombie horde of four.  People (and especially those whom I call “Mom and Dad”) question why I attend these Zombiecons: “It’s filled with crazy people walking around the streets and making a fool out of themselves,” they say (but in Chinese).  Actually, I think James, Justin, and Jake also once asked me why, but now I think they know. Unless you’ve been a part of it, it’s a little bit difficult to explain.  I think it’s all about freeing yourself from wearing all of those masks that make you conform into society’s norms.  We looked like an outcast to everyone else, but in our eyes, it was the other way around.  No one else around us mattered and none of our normal concerns about impressing people even registered.  Everyone stared at us with looks of amusement, embarrassment, fear, curiosity, and confusion, but alas, it was momentary judgment from a stranger that we’ll probably never see again.  I think every one of us, at one point or another, just realized a simple phrase: “Whatever – I’m a zombie.” (That and “Wu Tang!”)

There’s a formula for great weekends like these: 4*friends + zombie makeup + 40s + 10*shots of jager + wine + more 40s + a holiday where you can do whatever the hell you want = zombiecon 2009 fun.  So much happened (some of which I don’t remember very clearly), but I must highlight some especially hilarious moments.

Do you remember when…

• Jake shaved parts of his head and looked ten times more creepy than usual (which is difficult)
• We wished Dexter would help clean up our blood splatter bathtub mess
• We realized $7 for a bottle of blood was the best purchase ever
• Wu Tang was expertly represented on our attire
• Jake used a marker on his body instead of black makeup
• We hovered around Continental to wait for shots
• We told people that we were going to a funeral/going to a wedding/gf had a period on us
• We met the cute girls on the crowded train and they couldn’t make a scared face for the camera
• We walked 25 blocks in the pouring rain doing the shakey dance
• We got blood all over the McDonald’s official rule sign (by accident) and then ate our apple pies violently
• We got stopped 20 times by people to take pictures; we stopped people 20 times to help take our pictures
• That guy asked “Are you okay?” with the most serious concerned voice and shocked expression
• We drank a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon in less than 2 minutes
• We got attacked by zombie hunters with marshmallow guns; we ate their ammo
• Justin and James were a bad influence to an elementary school field trip
• Jake and James were almost arrested for scaring old ladies near a Broadway theater
• Justin was a bad/good influence to a mother and her 3 children on the side of the street
• James screamed “Wu Tang” at anyone and anything imaginable
• Justin pushed people out of the way so he could hang upside down on the subway pole
• Justin asked a guy on the side of the street for a cigar
• We knocked on Eden’s workplace windows thinking it was a good idea
• We passed out before 8PM and forgot about eating dinner
• I woke up at 10PM hung over and relatively happy with the memories

The interesting part is that we didn’t really have to be zombies (well I guess the zombie hunter thing wouldn’t make as much sense).  The makeup and costumes made us forget about the school papers, interviews, long work hours, and exams.  We were just having fun, and in the process I think we made a lot of people smile at the craziness of NYC.  I bet tourists and locals alike just looked at us and brushed it off with a chuckle and the phrase: “Only in New York.”   Whether it’s the eccentric personality of the concrete jungle or the immense amount of fun I have within the horde, this is why I call this my Home.

~See Lemons a Happy Zombie

Life is All About Side Projects

Life. You see it, right?

Random Observation/Comment #213:  The more time I spend in New York, surrounded by the wonderful, fast-paced life style, the more I also begin to miss being in Europe. There were so many quirks there that made me happy, but I should realize that I was on vacation; and a vacation lifestyle is definitely not the productive one.  I grew in a liberal arts fashion with new passions towards living life, but I lost a piece of my technical approach (which was getting borderline nerdy anyway).  It’s odd continually separating these two worlds, but I’m not really sure why I’m trying to make such distinctions.  I changed my fashion and my organization in the past few weeks, and a new project is on the brink of initiation.  I will run the alpha once I have time to myself where I’m not distracted by amazing shows like Dexter, Californiacation, and House, and also not studying for upcoming interviews.

I’ve found that the method of leading a good life can be broken down to a few major rules.  None of these are intended to be religious in any way, but of course, they could probably be interpreted that way.

• Keep a separate hobby from your career. Granted, your career can be a hobby (like programming, if you’re Nerdy McNerderson), but you should realize that other hobbies need to exist to keep things interesting.  Life is about what you do with your free time.  As we grow older and our scope of responsibility widens, we lose those precious moments to ourselves, so make sure you find your personalized and perfected relaxation routine (glass of red wine chatting with friends) or happy pass-time routines (ping pong or reading a good sci-fi novel).  Personally, it would be writing, photography, and testing random startup ideas, which I feel balances the technical aspect with a healthy dosage of those liberal arts things.
• Make lots of short-term goals and finish them to stay productive. There’s a high level of satisfaction for me when I check off to-dos because they make me feel more efficient.  It might be the engineer thing, but I can’t stay still.  If you could, try to make these goals related to those hobbies.  This is basically the idea of staying organized, but you get much more done when these goals mold with your free-time and stray away from obligations.
• Stay social and connected to a community. Whether it’s keeping up (cough, stalking) with your friend’s facebook updates, calling up friends to get slightly involved (just the tip) with their issues, or texting clever messages to random people, it’s nice to be involved in something.  You know that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when someone calls you up to invite you to go out to an event?  It’s a sense of being on someone’s mind and it just makes everyone more cheerful.  Everyone likes to get invited, so if you’re doing something; spread the joy.
• Make observations about the world and try to see that bigger picture. There’s a level of ignorance that can be tolerated, but there’s just so much out there to learn.  Stuff you own is just stuff.  That materialistic world may make you feel better, but it can all be taken away.  Some people use faith as there guiding path, but I prefer to use knowledge.  I’m not saying, “Let’s crack open the internet and start absorbing it into our own memory.”  That’s just ridiculous.  I’m suggesting to make connections and to be savvy in specific subjects.  There’s no way you could be an expert of everything, but you just need to have your own thing.  For example, if I wanted to talk about theology, I’d chat with Justin.  If I wanted to talk about graffiti and tattoos, I’d talk to James.  If I wanted to talk about video games and the Rangers, Jake would give his feedback.  Hint: try not to be the expert of sitting around watching prime time TV shows on hulu.
• Add a bit of randomness to your life. Routines are incredibly comfortable, but really nasty when taken to an anal extreme.  The most organized person in the world counting tooth-brush strokes and walking the same optimized path (like in that Will Ferrell movie) sounds highly efficient and should probably make me pitch a partial, but the truth is: I wouldn’t be able to hold that up.  Probably me, more than most people, love to have control over their own life, but I’ve found that sometimes you just need to let go and add some spontaneity.  If you don’t, you’re just a zombie consumer going through a set routine – granted, it might be the best routine ever, but you lose your edge when you get used to everything around you.
• Stay healthy. All of the above doesn’t make a difference if you’re unable to do the things you love.  Make decisions that keep yourself and everyone around you content.  Life is already so short and we’re already so fragile.  Take breaks when you’re overwhelmed and make sure work or fun doesn’t get in the way of your future’s well-being.  Hint: Don’t drink too much, even though it’s super social and fun.

I made this list on the train ride to an interview, but I try my best to maintain these simple principles.  Most of it may be common sense, but there are a lot of these things I wish I knew before starting university.  For example, if I knew the importance of teamwork, I would have begun study sessions and problem set collaboration much earlier.  It’s all about using your resources and making sure you include that “liberal arts” world into your everyday life.

Does this mean I support a liberal arts degree now?  A Liberal Arts major is basically: “I don’t know what I want to do with my life when starting college so let me take any type of class I want to see what I’m interested in.”  You’re supposed to change degrees within the University when you figure out what you want to do.  Unfortunately, students abuse this system by taking the classes with the least amount of work, and thus, the most amount of partying.  Even if you say, “No, that’s definitely not me,” you’d be surprised at how much your peers affect your decisions.  Besides, college is also about learning how to learn and practicing your social skills so you can communicate better in the real world, so a bit of partying is necessary.

I haven’t been to the next stage in my life yet, but I’m pretty sure many things change when that popularity narrows down to a few close friends and your significant other.  Maybe facbeook will revolutionize things, but by TV shows (which is pretty much real life), the couples play-date thing is right around the corner.  Make the most out of your freedom!  Carpe Diem!

~See Lemons Always Busy

Why Am I Still There?

Floating Staircases of dooooooom

Random Observation/Comment #212: Life isn’t as complicated as everyone makes it out to be, but I see now, more than ever, that we like to make problems for ourselves to solve. If we didn’t try to be self-destructive and dig ourselves a huge hole, we’d feel the opposite of complete – we would have a life with no problems and it would be the most boring thing ever.  There’s never the ultimate end-point of satisfaction in completing all of your tasks because we’re always pursuing problems that we won’t find the solutions to in our own generation.  It’s always been the stride for that greatness that has kept me going.  Where do I get my enthusiasm to always start new hobbies?  Looking back on how quickly college went, I know life is short.  Looking back on how many great memories I’ve had with friends and family, I know life is worth living.  I’m always looking for the next unexpected moment of uncontrollable laughter or indescribable happiness.  All I really want is something that makes me feel involved.  As a scientist (and general weirdo/geek/nerd/engineer), I’ve always been a spectator in this social experiment; why not start actively participating?  I think this is a valid excuse for not posting in 2 weeks.

I hear this phrase a lot when I’m around the new building: “What are you still doing here?”  It’s a simple question, but I wonder how many people want to hear the full story behind it or they’re just expecting me to say something like “Oh, I’m just visiting.”  It would honestly take at least 15 minutes and a few drinks to get the idea through because I’m still not yet sure myself.

I feel oddly attracted to Cooper – a place that has tortured me for 5 years and still continues to haunt me in my dreams.  I almost avoid seeing professors with fear that they can still make me do problem sets for them.  The nauseating feeling I get when I hear Professors try to explain safety rules to me just instinctively returns when I discuss Senior Projects.  So then, why did I write an article about the new building and then subsequently join the Cooper Pioneer to do an article about the pool tables if all of this stuff brings back dry heaving? I’m not really sure because it wasn’t a conscious decision; it just happened that way.

You know, it’s not even the question that surprises me: it’s actually the tone in their voice when they ask the question.  It’s a tone of confusion mixed with a hint of “don’t you have better things to do than to be a part of this place again?”  I must admit that, at first, it was just purely to continue taking pictures in my tourist state and then pursuing a curiosity about the new place after chatting about it so much.  I actually wound up being the designated tour guide for many of my classmates since I somehow knew the place best.

But, after a while, I felt myself arrive to the building out of habit.  It’s a nice building with decent wifi and a “smart-people environment” so, why not?  Would I look more grown up sitting down at a Starbucks drinking a tea and typing away on my computer so some hot Asian girl in a tight white jean skirt that comes there every morning recognizes me and will maybe sit down to chat with me?  Would I become that guy that sits at Starbucks writing random stuff on their laptop pretending to grab inspiration from the surroundings with hopes that the girl would ask me what I was doing?  Am I sitting in the Starbucks to capture the full details of the experience where I spoke with this random girl and accidentally gave her a wrong number? Do I avoid the Starbucks every morning because I waited too long to show up there as a routine anymore so now she thinks I am avoiding her because I didn’t enjoy our initial chat about monkeys in suits?… Maybe she’ll get it right if she tries subtracting the phone number I gave her by 400,000.

Anyway, I’m at Cooper because it’s still a nice place to do work.  Even if it’s a new building, I’m still somehow pushed to get things done by the smart-vibes that this environment exudes in cartoonish stinky waves.  It might be sad, or probably really creepy, but I’m just doing what I know works for me.  Plus, being able to stay in the “college community” in some way makes me psychologically avoid my most important current problem of growing out of the college phase.  I felt like the time I had in Germany was so incredible that if I could give Cooper another chance, it could make up for all those all-nighters with coffee and redbulls, and replace them with all-nighters with vodka and redbulls.

Above all else, trying to do work anywhere near the place where you grew up playing with legos and wetting your bed is a lost cause.  Even if it’s for the commute into the city and getting some fresh air, I just need to get out of the comfortable PJs, occasionally shave, and maintain sanity.  You may think job hunting and interview practicing is fun (if you’re crazy), but in reality, I can’t always write emails and search websites for this crazy opportunities; I need to keep moving and work on something interesting.  I never knew this about myself, but it’s good to know to know now: I need a new project every few months to challenge a different part of my brain.  And just like that (imagine I snapped my fingers), I decided to go into finance (just kidding, I love it).

~See Lemons Flutter